The Masochist's Institute of Technologyanecdotes of an ambitious MIT student

In case you haven’t heard of the fairy tale, the movie, or the ballet “The Red Shoes”, I’ll give a simple synopsis. The lead character is offered a pair of red ballet slippers (in the fairy tale they are merely referred to as “dancing shoes”). She gleefully puts them on, but soon finds that she cannot take them off. In fact, the shoes are stuck to her feet and compel her to do nothing but dance. In the ballet, she dances away her boyfriend. In the fairy tale, she dances so much she can’t even attend her mother’s funeral. In the film, the red shoes drive her so mad as to commit suicide.

A line that I once read in the ballet-centric manga Swan stated, “Every ballerina has her own pair of red shoes.” I’d like to further extrapolate that to say that everyone has a pair of red shoes; everyone has something that chains them down, that prevents them from fully enjoying freedom from obligation. For each of us, whether physical or mental, there is something that ties us down to our positions in life. Regardless of how optimistic or how free-spirited you may be, there will always be something chaining you down – be it lack of ability, lack of resources, or simply an emotional tie that you cannot destroy.

You may think this analysis a little bleak, but it needn’t be all that bad. In some cases, this metaphorical pair of “red shoes” may be representative of someone’s passion for their career. Perhaps its the wife and children to whom a businessman comes home every day – the main reason why he continues to earn money. Perhaps its the prospect of a happy future that keeps the college student toiling away at his studies day after day. No matter of what our “red shoes” may consist, everyone has a pair.

Lately, I have been asking myself what my pair of “red shoes” would be. And unfortunately, it boils down to the two roots of all evil – fame and fortune. Yes, I want to be a banker so I can get – quote one of my friends – “filthy rich.” I want to be a corporate lawyer for prestige. I want to attend Harvard Law School and Harvard Business School because of the “brand” that comes attached with them. I’ve always stated that I want to be happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise… but I feel as if all of these could derive from wealth. Whoever said that money doesn’t buy happiness is surely wrong.

I feel a bit guilty; I always tell myself that I really should have a better reason for living, but the honest truth is… I haven’t found it yet. Perhaps someday I will encounter someone I want to live for, or some undying passion that I hope to pursue. But until then, it’s just me and my foolish dreams of fame, fortune, and selfish happiness.

Is that really so much to ask?