Streetlight… people…
Living just to find emotion
Hiding somewhere in the night.
Don’t stop believing;
Hold on to that feeling.
~ “Don’t Stop Believing”, Journey (covered by Glee cast)
I have been listening to “Don’t Stop Believing” from the Glee cast (Chao got me hooked on yet another show!) for the past few days, nonstop. It’s an extremely inspirational song, and really makes me look back and assess where I am now. In fact, at this very moment I have a ton of thoughts coursing through my mind, and I have absolutely no idea how I want to phrase them. There are just so many emotions all jumbled up in there, and I don’t know how to begin getting them down on paper.
I was looking through Facebook earlier today. Many of my classmates from high school are already experiencing many “adult” milestones and activities in their lives. For example, many of them are already married (or planning to be). Some are already mothers. Some have already gotten divorced! In their eyes, I see a sense of supposed adulthood. They dress differently, act differently… even pose for pictures differently. They sit in bars and clutch their significant others… skin worn down by makeup, eyelashes dark with mascara, waving around martini glasses and chatting about rock concerts.
At times, I must admit I am rather surprised that I grew up around these people. Save for some of my friends in the science department, they are so different from me. To some, their idea of success is graduating from a 2-year community college. To others, their idea of a job is working as a cash registrar at Wal-mart or receptionist at a local salon.
Up at MIT, it just feels like I’m living in a bubble at times. I don’t really notice this passage of time. At times, I almost feel as if I will be a student for a very long time, even though I know that’s not true. In fact, I only have two precious years left – I’m halfway through college already. But I don’t feel at all like I’m nearing adulthood – in fact, I don’t even feel as I’ve begun the journey! Looking at all of my high-school classmates… so many of them are doing things I would consider above our years (marriage, etc.) And yet, strangely, I also believe that in some ways their minds are still naïve and childish.
It’s really shocking and sentimental to reflect back on how much we’ve grown. It’s only been two years since we graduated from high school; when I’m at MIT working on problem sets, it feels like just yesterday I was lounging around in the AP Biology classroom learning about genetics. Other times – like now – those two years feel like an eternity. So many of us are going on to do amazing things: conducting biomedical research, landing acting careers, and more. And yet, so many of my high school graduating class will be forever subject to mediocrity. They will be the future housewives, living in low-class or midle-class conditions. They will be the future labourers, working construction and civil jobs. They will be content to work their day jobs as receptionists and waitresses.
And yet, despite this sense of “mediocrity” in my eyes, these people will also be content to live life as such. They will go to their rock concerts on Saturdays, have picnics in Zilker Park, take trips to tattoo salons, grab vanilla ice cream cones at the mall… and live as if that moment was all they cared about. Yes, I have many “friends” from high school who will be or currently are living as such. I know people who had amazing ambitions freshman year (9th grade), but are currently college drop-outs. When I’m up at MIT, life seems simple: you do well in school, graduate, land a job at some famous firm, make money, and live the grand life. However, back here it just seems so much more complicated: no one really seems to know where they’re going. They take life as it comes, even if it isn’t optimal. They have no major ambitions, but they are content to not have any. Or they may have highly alternative ambitions, like being comedians or cosmeticians.
I’m not quite sure what to make of these two different worlds. The fact that I belong to both of them is quite an experience for me. Personally, I would never pick the paths that many of my classmates have.. but I’ve also never been one to push my beliefs on others.
In a way, for this I am very glad that I attend MIT. I have many huge dreams now (mostly consisting of glamourous New York lifestyles), and I have to ask myself… would any of them have been created if I had not come to such a drastically different school? If I was attending UT Austin (my original plan), would I want to work in the finance industry? Probably not; instead, I would probably still be sitting in lab at 3am debugging code.
